How you receive a compliment or gift says a lot about your level of self worth as well as how addicted you are to living in struggle and having to suffer in order to achieve your goals.
My book, Kiss Your Monsters Goodbye, dissects 3 self sabotaging behaviors that are subconscious actions that STOP the love, career, health and money you desire from coming to you.
Today, I am going to share one of them with you… the one that keeps you trapped in your struggle as opposed to living with ease and grace.
I call this behavior the “JUSTIFIER”
Let’s say a woman named Rebecca and a man named John went out to dinner. Upon discovering he just got a promotion at work, Rebecca says, “John, that’s fantastic! Congratulations. That’s amazing!”
John responds by saying, “Thanks. You know I worked twelve-hour days, and I had to put up with this boss who complained at me every day. Then I’d have to come home and deal with the kids and the wife. I was so stressed; you can’t imagine. But thanks.”
What did he do? He justified WHY he deserved his success.
When we justify why we deserve the gift, compliment, or the good in our lives, we often have something inside us that doesn’t really believe we are worthy to receive. Deep down we believe that we need to suffer or perhaps even be punished before we can achieve any accomplishment in our lives. As a result, we have to find reasons why we are deserving… help us feel that we are good enough.
Often there is a belief in there that says that for anything to be worthwhile we need to suffer. In fact, we get attention for the suffering and then we get addicted to it… as long as we are getting attention, we are getting the ‘false’ love that we are seeking.
If we really felt worthy inside and lovable, we wouldn’t need to create drama to get people to pay attention. It is like a drug…. gives us a high and then when it wears off, we need to create more suffering or drama to get more attention.
If you find yourself justifying in certain or all areas of your life, I invite you go through these steps:
Step One: Become aware so you have the power to change it.
Notice your interactions with people – do you find yourself always explaining your actions?Do you find that you have to justify why you deserve something?
Or do you notice that when you achieve something in your life, that it was a giant struggle to do it or there was a lot of conflict and drama around it? Or maybe you aren’t reaching your goals at all but continually get stuck in a repeating pattern of try try try but it never seems to work out.Do you justify and struggle in some areas or your life but not others?
Rate the level of struggle in your life out of 10, with 10 being the highest level of stress and 1 being a life that flows with ease.
Step Two: Ask yourself what you are gaining by being addicted to your struggle as there is always a payoff for being stuck in a pattern.
Are you getting outside attention that feeds your need to be noticed? Is staying in struggle in one part of your life allowing you to avoid dealing with an issue or fear in another part of your life? Is it to protect you from being open and vulnerable? Etc…
Step Three: Now that you are aware, when you find yourself justifying, STOP yourself.
This will be especially tough with people who constantly steal your energy and you feel like you have to explain yourself to. But the minute you start justifying, you lose your power.
There is no quick fix to this issue especially if it has been a lifelong pattern or relationship. It is about awareness and practice, practice, practice!
It will feel uncomfortable at first and other people will get mad or irritated but keep doing it and it will become your new way of being. Those people will either fall away from your life as they can no longer steal your energy or they will adjust to the new you.
Same thing goes for the struggle… now that you are aware, when you find yourself taking action on something, notice when it feels hard. STOP. And ask yourself, “What is the way of ease and grace to achieve this goal?” The answer may come in a way that is different from the original route you were taking so stay open to possibilities.
If you feel this was insightful, want to know what the other 2 behaviors are or want more strategies on how to overcome the obstacles in your life then I invite you to pick up a copy of my book, Kiss Your Monsters Goodbye.
Imagine what your life would be like if you could quickly and easily …
• Move from living a mediocre life plagued with limitations and barriers to a fulfilling life where you can be the unique superstar you were born to be.
• Beat your odds & breakdown any obstacle in the way of your money, health, relationship, career or other life goals.
• Remove self imposed limitations & open up to the possibilities.
• Discover the 3 behaviors that keep you in the struggle and STOP your cash, love, perfect health and everything you desire from coming to you.
“Cindy Ashton is a master of ballsy, bold, and inspired living. Kiss Your Monsters Goodbye is a must-have for anyone craving the freedom and support to dream big, live fully, and take their success to a whole new level. Cindy lives what she teaches with every fiber of her being.”
~ Arria Deepwater, Author of What’s Your LoveThreshold: Practicing the Art of Choosing Love in Every Moment