Are you addicted to your struggle? Find out right now…

How you receive a compliment or gift says a lot about your level of self worth as well as how addicted you are to living in struggle and having to suffer in order to achieve your goals.

My book, Kiss Your Monsters Goodbye, dissects 3 self sabotaging behaviors that are subconscious actions that STOP the love, career, health and money you desire from coming to you.

Today, I am going to share one of them with you… the one that keeps you trapped in your struggle as opposed to living with ease and grace.

I call this behavior the “JUSTIFIER”

Let’s say a woman named Rebecca and a man named John went out to dinner. Upon discovering he just got a promotion at work, Rebecca says, “John, that’s fantastic! Congratulations. That’s amazing!”

John responds by saying, “Thanks. You know I worked twelve-hour days, and I had to put up with this boss who complained at me every day. Then I’d have to come home and deal with the kids and the wife. I was so stressed; you can’t imagine. But thanks.”

What did he do? He justified WHY he deserved his success.

When we justify why we deserve the gift, compliment, or the good in our lives, we often have something inside us that doesn’t really believe we are worthy to receive. Deep down we believe that we need to suffer or perhaps even be punished before we can achieve any accomplishment in our lives. As a result, we have to find reasons why we are deserving… help us feel that we are good enough.

Often there is a belief in there that says that for anything to be worthwhile we need to suffer. In fact, we get attention for the suffering and then we get addicted to it… as long as we are getting attention, we are getting  the ‘false’ love that we are seeking.

If we really felt worthy inside and lovable, we wouldn’t need to create drama to get people to pay attention. It is like a drug…. gives us a high and then when it wears off, we need to create more suffering or drama to get more attention.

If you find yourself justifying in certain or all areas of your life, I invite you go through these steps:

Step One: Become aware so you have the power to change it.

Notice your interactions with people – do you find yourself always explaining your actions?Do you find that you have to justify why you deserve something?

Or do you notice that when you achieve something in your life, that it was a giant struggle to do it or there was a lot of conflict and drama around it? Or maybe you aren’t reaching your goals at all but continually get stuck in a repeating pattern of try try try but it never seems to work out.Do you justify and struggle in some areas or your life but not others?

Rate the level of struggle in your life out of 10, with 10 being the highest level of stress and 1 being a life that flows with ease.

Step Two:  Ask yourself what you are gaining by being addicted to your struggle as there is always a payoff for being stuck in a pattern.

Are you getting outside attention that feeds your need to be noticed? Is staying in struggle in one part of your life allowing you to avoid dealing with an issue or fear in another part of your life? Is it to protect you from being open and vulnerable? Etc…

Step Three: Now that you are aware, when you find yourself justifying, STOP yourself.

This will be especially tough with people who constantly steal your energy and you feel like you have to explain yourself to. But the minute you start justifying, you lose your power.

There is no quick fix to this issue especially if it has been a lifelong pattern or relationship. It is about awareness and practice, practice, practice!

It will feel uncomfortable at first and other people will get mad or irritated but keep doing it and it will become your new way of being. Those people will either fall away from your life as they can no longer steal your energy or they will adjust to the new you.

Same thing goes for the struggle… now that you are aware, when you find yourself taking action on something, notice when it feels hard. STOP. And ask yourself, “What is the way of ease and grace to achieve this goal?” The answer may come in a way that is different from the original route you were taking so stay open to possibilities.

If you feel this was insightful, want to know what the other 2 behaviors are or want more strategies on how to overcome the obstacles in your life then I invite you to pick up a copy of my book, Kiss Your Monsters Goodbye.

Imagine what your life would be like if you could quickly and easily …
•    Move from living a mediocre life plagued with limitations and barriers to a fulfilling life where you can be the unique superstar you were born to be.
•    Beat your odds & breakdown any obstacle in the way of your money, health, relationship, career or other life goals.
•    Remove self imposed limitations & open up to the possibilities.
•    Discover the 3 behaviors that keep you in the struggle and STOP your cash, love, perfect health and everything you desire from coming to you.

“Cindy Ashton is a master of ballsy, bold, and inspired living. Kiss Your Monsters Goodbye is a must-have for anyone craving the freedom and support to dream big, live fully, and take their success to a whole new level. Cindy lives what she teaches with every fiber of her being.”

~ Arria Deepwater,  Author of What’s Your LoveThreshold: Practicing the Art of Choosing Love in Every Moment

Physical Book: $14.95 US + Shipping (+ tax CA residents)

Are you DOING it? A powerful message for you

I was watching the Golden Globes on Sunday night and when Glee won, I said to myself “Why the heck are you WATCHING others living your dream, instead of DOING it?” And in all fairness to myself, I am well on my way to achieving that level and take consistent, focused action everyday. But it really struck me that so many of us (including me for years), have dreams and goals but sit by and watch others do what we want to be doing instead of taking action. I know for me, there was always an excuse. And yes my health challenges were definitely real for a long time but there were many years after that where the excuse was always about “well, I need to do this or that. Just too busy” or “I need more training, money, connections…” or “I need to be prettier, skinnier…”

Okay people… let’s get honest…what are your excuses?

If you have a dream in your soul, that desire was given to you by a divine source (whatever you define that to be) and therefore can NOT be wrong. All that you need to create it will appear if you are willing to take action, allow yourself to recieve, work on releasing your baggage and be open to all the glorious ways it may come to you.

And remember… we are here to serve. The more you live your dreams, the happier you are, the more that energy radiates to others and empowers them to follow their bliss. Not to mention, I bet you that your dream will make an impact in another’s life. So I want to encourage you today to take action .. no matter what is on your schedule.

Here is a little something I wrote on my Facebook yesterday:

Take a moment, think of your desire and ask yourself, “What is the most powerful thing I can do today to take 1 step closer to my goal?” And then do it… No matter what else is on your plate. Otherwise you will always be waiting for tomorrow.

Now go kick some butt! You can do it.

If you need tools, superstar strategies and inspiration to remove the fears standing in your way, I invite you to check out chapters 5 and 10 in my book, Kiss Your Monsters Goodbye by clicking HERE

The only thing you need to succeed this New Year

I wanted to pass along a simple but important message as you embark into the New Year. Most of us reflect on the stuff in our life from the previous year that didn’t work and then decide to make a change. This decision is great BUT the trap I often see is people then behaving out fear – pushing, rushing, doing things they THINK will work, seeking out a quick fix, etc.

There is only one thing you need to succeed in the New Year – YOU! What I mean by that is by you just BEING your true essence.

To give you an example to clarify: I have known since I was born that I am meant to perform but spent most of my life doing everything other than that. So for example, I would teach to make money to support my singing as opposed to just singing and trusting that opportunities would fly my way and that I would be paid abundantly for it. I never thought that just being ME was enough.

What is your truest, most divine essence? If you were to just sit and breathe slowly into your body and be very present, what would the still, small voice say? What is the talent or gift lying inside you that is itching to emerge? Are you doing what I used to do and spending your time doing everything but what you are best at so you can live your dream? Are the goals you’ve set for this year because you are trying to prove something to someone or because your divine essence is ready to express on a greater level?

This New Year, I really want you to know that YOU are enough. Yes just YOU! You are amazing my friend. You don’t need to be anything other than you. You don’t need to push or try. You simply need to BE and allow yourself to shine. I know it can be scary sometimes but the more you allow yourself to shine from the inside, the more it will radiate to the outside and the blessings will appear.

Know you are loved.

Love Cindy

P.S. if you need empowerment in building confidence or discovering your truest desires, please check out chapters 2 and 5 in my book, Kiss Your Monsters Goodbye.

Discover how to overcome your obstacles so you can express your truest essence at: www.kissyourmonstersgoodbye.com/